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Saturday, December 1, 2007?
1 December 2003 my friend brought me to church. Never did I know that trip to CHC will change my life forever. It was a mini concert by Sun and a preaching by Kong Hee. That time I dun even know who is Kong Hee haha. The building was like a shopping center. I was so shy when meeting people. I always keep to myself. Thinking back to the past, is 4 years already!! As I have said many time b4, life has not been easy since becoming a Christian. But God pull be through....I have been mocked at by friend, laugh at and even criticise for becoming a christian. For the first few months, I have to lie to my mum that I go to friend house or shopping mall. But by the grace of God, both my parents are open and they accept who I am as the months goes by. Now they have totally nthing against me being a believer. Praise the Lord. I have up and down through out the 4 years. It is a very difficult period of time for me. But some how I remain in church. My lifestyle changed. My thinking and mindset changed. So much things had happen and thus far I have went till today. O man words cannot describe how I feel for the past 4 years....
How I met God??
For the 1st year in church, I don't really commit myself to Him. I was like happy go lucky and be a sunday christian. Perhaps my strong interest in history and the study of religion topic attract my attention to go for bible study. Apart from pastor, all the things I learn myself. I always been a independence person. I buy books and read and study and research. I bought sermon CDs to listen and even surf the internet to know more foreign pastor around the world. I came to know my 2nd pastor, Joyce Meyer. Her teaching and her show really help me a lot. I suffered from low self esteem when growing up. I am not a smart person nor have any great talent and ability. I am not a good looking guy at all. I am dull and boring. I use to have a mushroom hairstyle. I have no confidance in things that I do. Very few good friends. Till now, yes i have many friends but I dun really have a true friend. I know I have a foul mouth who always talk something that offence people. No 1 is perfect, God make me who I am and I got to accept it. With so many thing, I have never been popular in school and among friends. As always I will be the first few people to be make fun of. They are having fun and laughter in expense of my misery. Outside of me I remain strong but deep in only God know what happen. I felt so sad and lousy. I don't like the feeling of being look down by other people. Almost all of my friends "see people" de. Even in the Cell Group, they "see people" Those who perhaps are smarter with the X factor or even better attitude and character were being used to do things for God. I know what I am saying. I never been a plan A for everything. I am always be a last plan or choice. Maybe you will say is yourself to blame and you got to change la if you have some fault. The problem is I change a lot through out this 4 years. But still sometime I will have this "feeling" which I cannot describe. I felt so lost and left out in CG. In G force also, I felt so left out. Some of them don"t even like me. They dispite me. Talk behind my back. There is some days I was living in darkness. Wonder why I always alone?? I always shop alone in malls or go church alone. going home alone also. There is so many things I am alone. It is because, is better to be alone than to be with my friends. I really felt that sometime. People does not appriciate my effort. I always wanted to proof many things to all of my friends and those who look down on me. I thank God that I can run. At least running a marathon build my self esteem up. My studies hasn't been very good also. Primary school to Poly (now), is all been average. No matter how hard I try I am still an average students. People condemn me for poor results. Apart from all the things happening, God is always there. I know to some people that sound so "siao" but there is a God. Even a proud person like me, will humble myself and worship Him. Can you imagine Reyes crying?? In God's presence, I cry. I felt His love and peace. He is talking to me everyday. I don't know when and how I will be without Him.
There so much that I can say. I can write a book on my history. Right now I become better. I love myself and building myself up to become a successful person in future. People might burst my dream, my I am determine. People might not think I will make it, but nvm I live for myself and God. Life must have friends around. Be honest, I need friends to be with. Yes some of my friend, no matter how hard I try to good to them but they still let me down. Raise their voice at me and even slander me. I have my church friend and outside friend which consist of G force, Ex pri and sec school , Poly friends and also some "Hi, BYE" friends. Out of so many, I don't even have a true friends. That is so sad which mean there is something wrong at me. I remember some people ask me how many ex GF i had? I am so sad that I have none. Because I am ugly and have no money that what I told them. Thank God for children church, the kids gave my life something more than just leaving through it.
Lastly, I dress well right now to look better on the outside to boost my confidance and also cover the ugliness in me. I have so many plan and ideas for my future. Dreams and vision never failed to invade me daily. Thank God for the wonderful 4 years and looking forward to next year. A year of excitment and beautiful memory.... :p
Grace and Peace 12:06 AM